Love With Your Whole Heart

I feel like a very confusing emotional wreck. I have become the girl I never wanted to be. I am jealous and selfish.  My passive side is letting everyone walk all over me instead of standing up for myself. But if I do stand up for myself it just comes out in a big emotional entanglement of tears, lies and a desperation of… I don’t even know what!

So here I am… putting on masks again. Keeping my cool on the outside while uncertainty and depression surge on the inside of me. 

I feel so alone, I want an out from this crazy life I am living right now. 

I see people quitting all around me, people say i’m justified to quit. Others say they aren’t holding anything against the way I am right now. Than more say to stick with it, it’ll get better. Where IS MY BETTER?  All I see around me is potential of death, failure and the girl I used to be coming back.

I perfected mask making once, I don’t want to do it again. So I will cry one word and i’m told it changes history, even eternity….

JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!

Some nights I wish I could step into a wardrobe and enter a world full of snow. I want to have tea with a faun named Mr. Tumnus and hear tales of old with Mr. and Mrs. Beaver while munching on fish and chips. 

Some nights I just want to escape. 

One Thing Remains

Higher than the mountains that I face, and it’s stronger than the power of the grave, constant in the trial and the change, this one thing remains

Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me.

And on and on and on and on it goes, it overwhelms and satisfies my soul, and I never ever have to be afraid, because this one thing, it remains.

YOUR LOVE NEVER FAILS, IT NEVER GIVES UP, NEVERS RUNS OUT ON ME!

In death, in life, i’m confident and covered by the power of Your great Love. My debt is paid and there is nothing that can separate my heart from your great love.

Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on!

—One Thing Remains by: Bethel Live—